why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
