what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
we should paint friendship bongs
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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