My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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