Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
