Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
