In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
