I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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