Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
