Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
