i don't like sucking hair
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
