I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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