Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
