Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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