Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm like, not good at living.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
