2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I forget how to act sober
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
