She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
