Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
