Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
