but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
