I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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