is your mom at the bar?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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