I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
