walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What drink are we having for lunch?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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