apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
