I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
