Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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