A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
