I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
