there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
