she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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