Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
