I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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