Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
