there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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