I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
