I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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