90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
