i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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