I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
