i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
