Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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