"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
