So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
