Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
