I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
