Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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