Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
