I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
