Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This is my gift to your gina
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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