Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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