apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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