he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
