i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
