just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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