I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
How's work?
Spinning.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
