You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
