how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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