I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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