you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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